What is it like to have “your country”? 

What is it like to have ‘your country’?  
Few days ago, one of my friend asked me what it is like to have “my country”. Frankly, I don’t know how it feels like.

Somehow, “my country” for Koreans in perticular, means a lot to them. It is changing fastly, but for some who still has affection  on the country is not hesitant to share the greatness and flashing development of Korea. And they love to use ” woori (we)”. And interestingly, nevertheless they dislike their country, they would always say good things about Korea to foreigners.

‘My country’, yet difficult concept 

I was putting my time and effort on finding out about my identity two years ago. Thanks to only focusing on that matter, I was able to move on after a year. Well… to be more clear, I got to differ what I can identify and figure out, and what I should move on (cuz there is no resolution to those such as greive). 

My country was one of the things I’ve decided to move on. Currently, I am constantly amazed at the details of Korean NGO culture. Crazily complex hierarchy, and the tangled emotions with ‘professional side’ is so delicate and not easy to sense it that it feels like I am passing by a whac-a-mole game. All I can do for now seems to be not making the mistakes again. 

So, having “overcoming the details of Korean NGO culture” itself, my plate is full right now to focus on what is my country. I will never know how Korean-Koreans think like and why they were so happy when Korea was doing successful during World Cup 2002. And I will have to learn to stop myself from being excited at cultural festivals and booths. (I had an awkward conversation about making a fan at cultural festival. I was so excited to share the experience and the beauty of written words, painting, and the whole process)
I would truly love to feel what it is like to have ” my country”. 

I have concept of  ” my home”, which is where I mostly grow up and where I am living now (specifically my room). I consider Warsaw my home city, but I can’t say that my emotions are the same with Polish. I was a foreigner there, and I will never be the same. I literally have my own culture, and is it explainable? I am not sure. I could list the countries that provided me an experience which made me who I am, but it will be like a chemistry result. 
Will I know what it is like? 

Anyhow, I’ve learned that I can understand what ‘my country’ is like, but will never get to sympathize about it. 


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